It's Been Awhile~

Yes, it has been awhile since my last post...

I have been on a roller coaster ride though! I find that when life is crazy twisting and turning going up and down with no real direction, it is much easier to forget about writing. Of course, when I look back on my life and see all twists and turns from a distance, I realize I should have been writing all along, but that being said, I have been reflecting in that manner since I can remember, so I don't see a pattern change now! To start, I had been auditioning for plays for an entire year when I finally found a club I could help out in November of 09. I was lighting and sound for Over the Hills and Through the Woods. Shortly after that show, I landed my first role. I was cast as Gert in Lost in Yonkers, by Neil Simon. It wasn't just any role! It was a funny part that's for sure, and it was a great role to break the ice for me. I actually never knew it was a funny role until opening night and when the audience laughed... I felt so much joy! My heart grew so big. It was also in a play that was participating in festival, which at the time meant nothing to me. Festival is when all of the shows across BC perform in front of a judge for their zone, then the winner from each zone go to Mainstage in Kamloops, BC in front of a different judge to decide which zone has the best performance, to land the best performance award for all of BC. Our show won the Fraser Valley Zone and then went on to win Best Performance for all of BC. I was given an honorable mention :) It truly was honorable seeing as there were about 20+ supporting female actors and only 4 or 5 were mentioned, He said I executed my part Beautifully! Considering I have really bombed most auditions from bad nerves, I felt on top of the world! After, or rather during Lost in Yonkers, I had been given another part as Ms Ida Rhinegold in Dirty work at the crossroads, but they cancelled 2 days before opening night. I was a little upset about that... And so before Mainstage I had also auditioned for Bard in the Valley. They saw how I bombed my audition (I had never read Shakespeare in my life to my knowledge~but I loved the movies...) As I was leaving, Probably without a call back, the producer, whom I knew, asked me how Lost in Yonkers was doing... I said great! and then the assistant director said, what Lost in Yonkers? I told her for the Langley Playhouse, and she went, 'THAT was YOU?! Here read this!' And that was how I got the part of Audry :) It really pays to know people or have them know you! (and actually, it didn't pay, not in cash anyway! lol It was all volunteer) That was a wonderful experience as well. I should back up a little. When I was rehearsing for Bard, I was there but not completely present, I wasn't aware of it at the time, but it was because I was still Gert! I had felt like Gert through the entire run and when Mainstage was over, I sat back on the grass before a run through with As You Like It and realized I had to say goodbye, I closed my eyes under the sun and cried. It was so hard to let her go after all I had been through becoming her. After I let go of Gert, I became present in Bard, I felt a little hole, but I was present. At that moment,t I had remembered what I had loved about theatre when I was young. The commitment, the training and sculpting of a character. It was so wonderful, such an amazing experience. I must say, I am truly grateful to Mary and her prodding and enticement to take the role in the first place and to everyone in the show. It was one of the best experiences of my life this far! OTHER STUFF~ So, as you may have read, I have been self publishing my first picture book in the My Friend Series, My Friend Jacob Moon. I had started it last year after my grandfather and a dear friend of mine Bob had both passed away. My year was rough, emotionally, I guess that's part of the reason why theatre was so much help. I really needed to be creative. When I had decided to self publish my first book, it was so surreal. I had no idea how I was going to manage it, financially, creatively, and time wise, but it all came together. I had help form a friend to pay for it, and with the push of encouragement from my mother, I drew the pictures and they were much more beautiful than I had imagined. I had never done anything like it before so there was a period where everything was on hold. I wasn't sure how to press forward without a few tools and guidance so I sent out a little prayer at the end of December (after four months of stressing) and a week later the person I needed to help me sort out all the errors was directed to me. I knew at that point I was definitely on the right road. So I spent the next two months tweaking the art and then the following four months, in between rehearsals and shows, having people read and edit the book until I finally asked my magnificently talented brother to help me to edit it properly. He did, even musically. I knew it was ready. So I sent in the finally copy and said yes, I am happy with it and my first copies arrived at my door 2 weeks ago. I cried! It was so amazing after such a long process (with the ten+ year period it took to even start publishing it) to see it in color sitting in my hand. I was so happy. I still am. I love it! I can't wait to print out copies to sell it here in Canada and do book signings! I can sell it online in the states, so I will attach the link. Every has loved it, children and adults alike. I am sure you will too! It is about a little boy with cancer who teaches us to embrace life today, rather than waiting on what may never come tomorrow~ So as you can see, it has really been a wonderful year creatively, in finding my color again. It took about 15 years to find it, but those 15 years were filled with different color. Now, I go confidently into the direction of my Dreams~ Painting and writing and traveling and hopefully dancing and singing my way into my Dreams come true~ Thank you for taking the time to read this, I appreciate having someone to share these wonderful experiences with. If you enjoyed it, please leave me a comment in the comment place below~ Have an amazing weekend filled with inspiration to follow your dreams come true!

Dear Santa~

Dear Santa, (or as mother always said as I got a little older: Dear Jesus~She always said he was the real Santa)

I am writing you to tell you what my desires are. I think I was supposed to do this earnestly about 3 years ago and I have been procrastinating... I think perhaps because I knew I wanted the things, but if I ask and it doesn’t happen, then it was a waste of faith, time and believing. Funny, I never consciously knew that until I just wrote it. Hmmm.... I guess there is something to be said about getting it done.

In many ways, that is exactly how I have approached most of my relationships too. I always pushed people away because I was sure that if I didn’t, then they would! I had to be the one to do it first! Now why on earth would a person do that when they could quite possibly have the most wonderful relationship on the planet? (Or the most amazing life!!) The answer is simple: to never get hurt, to never risk failing. I would push and they would either pursue until they got tired or just run from the start from their own problems (and as far as my dreams they would just sit on the back burner and wait). I am 35 and alone and at the lowest financially I have been in a very long time. The truth is though, I am comfortable suffering under mountains of stress and anxiety and not knowing how I will pay for my bills, but that is because it is familiar to me. I don’t know what it is like to truly be financially successful and so for some wild reason that scares the hell out of me! Perhaps again because like I mentioned earlier, I might be let down. But then, I have nothing, so there is nothing to lose!!! Right? How can that make sense? How can it make sense to not try if you haven’t got anywhere without trying? How can you fail if you try, you can only get one step closer to getting what you desire. If you don`t try or make the effort or have faith...then you have already failed. SO... I could say I am a failure, but I am not. In the past tense I have failed by not trying to pursue my dreams fully out of fear, but this is me now taking a risk and if something comes of it, Great! If not? I am no better or worse off than before except that I know that this is either not the right product or time at THIS time! Who knows what tomorrow holds, but I want to wake up one day and look back and know I did EVERYTHING I could to manifest my dreams come true! And here is the first step... Knowing what your dreams are :) So I have written them out! I am not posting them here because they are my dreams, you need to write out yours! So get started and lets see where it takes us a year down the road.....