Dear Santa~

Dear Santa, (or as mother always said as I got a little older: Dear Jesus~She always said he was the real Santa)

I am writing you to tell you what my desires are. I think I was supposed to do this earnestly about 3 years ago and I have been procrastinating... I think perhaps because I knew I wanted the things, but if I ask and it doesn’t happen, then it was a waste of faith, time and believing. Funny, I never consciously knew that until I just wrote it. Hmmm.... I guess there is something to be said about getting it done.

In many ways, that is exactly how I have approached most of my relationships too. I always pushed people away because I was sure that if I didn’t, then they would! I had to be the one to do it first! Now why on earth would a person do that when they could quite possibly have the most wonderful relationship on the planet? (Or the most amazing life!!) The answer is simple: to never get hurt, to never risk failing. I would push and they would either pursue until they got tired or just run from the start from their own problems (and as far as my dreams they would just sit on the back burner and wait). I am 35 and alone and at the lowest financially I have been in a very long time. The truth is though, I am comfortable suffering under mountains of stress and anxiety and not knowing how I will pay for my bills, but that is because it is familiar to me. I don’t know what it is like to truly be financially successful and so for some wild reason that scares the hell out of me! Perhaps again because like I mentioned earlier, I might be let down. But then, I have nothing, so there is nothing to lose!!! Right? How can that make sense? How can it make sense to not try if you haven’t got anywhere without trying? How can you fail if you try, you can only get one step closer to getting what you desire. If you don`t try or make the effort or have faith...then you have already failed. SO... I could say I am a failure, but I am not. In the past tense I have failed by not trying to pursue my dreams fully out of fear, but this is me now taking a risk and if something comes of it, Great! If not? I am no better or worse off than before except that I know that this is either not the right product or time at THIS time! Who knows what tomorrow holds, but I want to wake up one day and look back and know I did EVERYTHING I could to manifest my dreams come true! And here is the first step... Knowing what your dreams are :) So I have written them out! I am not posting them here because they are my dreams, you need to write out yours! So get started and lets see where it takes us a year down the road.....