It Has Been Awhile...

Well, It has been awhile for sure!! I have been so busy that I haven't even found time to write in my journal or gratitude book. I get so tired that I fall asleep thinking about all the things I am grateful for, but they haven't been making it into 'the book' It has been two weeks exactly! You know what that means? I am making time and effort tonight! (and I will count this as my journal entry ;)

So the thing is, I have been moving all over the place and everything in my life has been tossed up into the air and I am still waiting for it to land.. A friend of mine (Vanessa) asked me recently how I could stand it, how could I handle moving all the time, lost in uncertainty and confusion of what is next. I said well, that this is just how it is for me, that this is how I live, some people are stable in one place and some are stable on the move or on the go. The truth is, I love traveling and seeing new places and meeting new people, but I would really love to have a home base. I think that as I get older I desire a home. A place that I can leave MY things, where I can leave for a month and come back to, to find everything just as I had left it. It gets tiring moving my things from place to place but without the movement in my life I would become stagnant, bored, and feel as though there was no purpose again.

The other thing I recently realized is that all the people I loved spending my time with as a teen are all still hanging out with each other or married and busy, or have kids or any combination of those but I don't know how to engage in conversation with them.. what do I talk about. I have been away for so many years, I feel lost for words. I feel like I am living in some sort of time warp.

I need to really just settle long enough to focus on finishing one task! I must finish the art for my book, and study the courses I signed up for. the rest can wait! One day I will take voice lessons, one day I will take ballet, one day I will be 135 lbs again, but for now those two things must stay my focus!!!

SO today, I am grateful for accomplishing all the house work I could fit in, for cooking a meal that made people happy, for going for a walk, for filling up the bike tires with air, for having internet, for having friends, for having confidence, for my mother, for my sister and my brother and their kids and spouses, for my room and the place I live, for fields near my house, for the horses and the trails, for the Cd's and records and games that were given to me, for the beautiful weather, for winning the lottery, for becoming a better techie, for the opportunity to be a techie, for my mother's happiness, for Paul's art show and seeing so many wonderful people I haven't seen for so long, and for Micheal's birthday at the pool where I was OK with being me while spending time with my very happy niece! :)

OK, that is a few more than 5 :) I am grateful for many other things too, but now I must go to sleep!

One day, I will have MY home. for now I am happy, content...I love all the people and the places I have experienced because of my traveling nature...