CHristmas?~

I am wondering two things...

1) If I had a cat would having feline company make it feel more like Christmas?

and

2) Blogging... I think it is like an extended facebook status.

It is officially Christmas Eve and yet, I look at my tree (beautifully decorated with red and gold beads and balls, butterflies, sparkly shoes, and a Russian ballerina I picked up in St. Petersburg) and while I admire the pretty lights and sentimental decorations, I realize that it doesn't feel at all like Christmas at all to me. Last week, when I was baking for three days, playing Christmas music loud and dancing around with flour on my face, it felt like Christmas. I couldn't wait until Saturday when I was having a few friends and family over. No one showed up but my friend, her mom (who is also my friend) and her baby. I was decked out and had spent the afternoon making mini pizzas for appies and ended up eating most of them for dinner (probably equaled a medium pizza if it were whole). After that I had another girlfriend stop by for a bit on Wednesday, and then I went to my sisters engagement party. Now it's just me waiting for a visit with family for dinner, and waiting to take down decorations (which I started doing tonight). I almost want it to be over, which is odd, considering that I couldn't wait to have Christmas. I could not wait to decorate and bake and have people over. I feel strange not caring in the least that it is here. I usually love this holiday as much as my birthday (that was a real let down this year too).

 I sure as hell hope that 2012 is an amazing year, and I hope it is not the end of the world! That would really suck! I haven't lived in France long enough to learn the language yet. (I haven't actually even lived there before.) I haven't been to Africa to see wild animals in there habitat, or rented a hut for a month in Thailand, or gone to Hawaii to explore its tropical wonders. No, I am not ready for the end of the world. I suppose it doesn't matter anyway. My grandpa kept telling me over and over in the hospital a month before he died, that he wasn't ready to die. Then he died. Was that of a broken heart, or loneliness or health reasons, I'll never really know. I stopped visiting him in January or the beginning of February. I got so depressed, I couldn't handle it. I couldn't stay there watching him suffer and tell me he wasn't ready and not have a way to make it better for him.  did take him coffee and treats when I was visiting. I know he appreciated it. I made the best coffee. He came over at least once a week before he died and would always tell me how I made the best coffee. I made him an americano with espresso from the Italian Mocha machine and add fat free canned cream with two packets of the yellow sweetener. He loved it. Anyway, I was hoping that 2012 would be an amazing year, it got me thinking about my birthday and then I started thinking about grandpa, because January through march makes me think of him. He was in the hospital in January, then he died in March the 17th or the 18th, it's a little unclear to me. Wow, that was a random babble if I ever had one. Sorry if that through you right off track! lol but thanks for reading (sort of lending me an eyeball in place of the ear~very thoughtful!)

Christmas spirit? I will be honest. I almost feel like staying home and skipping it all together. It feels like a big hassle. I have been non stop for moths and now I have a place to be creative and relax, and I would kind of like to do that. Maybe that will be my present to myself... (yah right!) lol

So my other thought was that blogging seems somewhat of a journal entry or a really long status on facebook. I guess it is good then that most of my facebook friends don't read my blog or they might see my scroogy attitude and be disappointed! lol The truth is I love writing in a journal, but lets' be truthful about it... I haven't written more than four entries in the past year. I think to many people kept reading them and invading my privacy so I stopped writing super personal stuff, so blogging is about the intensity I write anywhere anyway, so I might as well share it with anyone interested (especially journal readers! Eat your fill of my life's gossip, um, if that is what it is).

I guess the computer is my cat today, as I am talking to it as I type, it feels like I am writing to someone so it's somewhat interactive and well, I don't have to feed it or you, so I am already miles ahead of the game~


And you know what else... I think it's kids that make Christmas. I moved towns and without a car, I am stuck at my place instead of joining my family for Christmas movies and hot chocolate. watching the little one get all excited when Rudolf's nose glows or wiping their sticky hands or snuggling by the tree lights. yup, that's what is missing, Children. I have so may in my life, they are just not here today, so I guess I should get to bed and go see some of them tomorrow for kisses and smiles~

MERRY CHRISTMAS~

Umm, yes, there was Thanksgiving... And now Christmas!

Well, it sure has been awhile~ once again!

It turns out, that there was a thanksgiving after all. My brothers decided against the cancellation of such a wonderful holiday so we managed a lovely setting at my mamma's house. There were homemade turkey name tags and table settings, A cozy murmur of chit chat and children and a glowing mamma as she entertained all us kids and grand kids at her place.  And it was wonderful~

It is funny how things turn out! I had desired it and it manifested! The truth be known, I LOVE the holidays!! All of them! I always look forward to my sister showing off her cooking skills and my brothers bonding while the sisters, mamma and I all gossip about random (and sometimes quite boring) everyday life things. I love how mom always wants to help and all the kids run around showing off toys, battle moves, reading skills and building Lego houses (which I tend to take part in at every visit as well).

And that's just mom and my siblings part of the family~ On dad's side (a big french Canadian family) we all gather at an aunties place, and we feast! (we had a thanksgiving there as well, but Pepere wasn't there so it wasn't quite the same). We gather and chat about what new endeavors life has brought us since our last family gathering and even more kids run around doing their own things, (always loving the attention of anyone who will listen!) and I'll be honest, I really love having each and everyone of them in my life!

Next is Christmas. It is right around the the corner! I am so excited! I have been invited to one sister's home for an open house (she was just recently engaged to a wonderful man while off in Hawaii) on Christmas eve, Christmas day consists of Coffee with mom, Presents with dad's family, a quick stop at my adopted families house, then to my other sister place for dinner with mom and more siblings (and their children). Boxing day, stopping off at adopted grammy's home on the way to my third brothers place for another holiday dinner~

Now tell me~ Do I sound deprived? lol! Not one morsel!! I am so excited! I think that perhaps not having children or even a partner (not interested in either at the moment) that I am more inclined to love it like a child, wanting more of it in my life! I love the hustle and bustle (and being able to give the kids back) then winding down in a peaceful home in whatever manner I so choose without having to be considerate of someone else in my space~ *sigh* I know, how selfish! lol!

I have just finished a hot mocha made with espresso, carnation hot chocolate, and milk~ I intend on being up for awhile. Maybe I will write a little more or perhaps I will attempt to draw~

I can't believe Christmas Eve is in two sleeps!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!