CHristmas?~

I am wondering two things...

1) If I had a cat would having feline company make it feel more like Christmas?

and

2) Blogging... I think it is like an extended facebook status.

It is officially Christmas Eve and yet, I look at my tree (beautifully decorated with red and gold beads and balls, butterflies, sparkly shoes, and a Russian ballerina I picked up in St. Petersburg) and while I admire the pretty lights and sentimental decorations, I realize that it doesn't feel at all like Christmas at all to me. Last week, when I was baking for three days, playing Christmas music loud and dancing around with flour on my face, it felt like Christmas. I couldn't wait until Saturday when I was having a few friends and family over. No one showed up but my friend, her mom (who is also my friend) and her baby. I was decked out and had spent the afternoon making mini pizzas for appies and ended up eating most of them for dinner (probably equaled a medium pizza if it were whole). After that I had another girlfriend stop by for a bit on Wednesday, and then I went to my sisters engagement party. Now it's just me waiting for a visit with family for dinner, and waiting to take down decorations (which I started doing tonight). I almost want it to be over, which is odd, considering that I couldn't wait to have Christmas. I could not wait to decorate and bake and have people over. I feel strange not caring in the least that it is here. I usually love this holiday as much as my birthday (that was a real let down this year too).

 I sure as hell hope that 2012 is an amazing year, and I hope it is not the end of the world! That would really suck! I haven't lived in France long enough to learn the language yet. (I haven't actually even lived there before.) I haven't been to Africa to see wild animals in there habitat, or rented a hut for a month in Thailand, or gone to Hawaii to explore its tropical wonders. No, I am not ready for the end of the world. I suppose it doesn't matter anyway. My grandpa kept telling me over and over in the hospital a month before he died, that he wasn't ready to die. Then he died. Was that of a broken heart, or loneliness or health reasons, I'll never really know. I stopped visiting him in January or the beginning of February. I got so depressed, I couldn't handle it. I couldn't stay there watching him suffer and tell me he wasn't ready and not have a way to make it better for him.  did take him coffee and treats when I was visiting. I know he appreciated it. I made the best coffee. He came over at least once a week before he died and would always tell me how I made the best coffee. I made him an americano with espresso from the Italian Mocha machine and add fat free canned cream with two packets of the yellow sweetener. He loved it. Anyway, I was hoping that 2012 would be an amazing year, it got me thinking about my birthday and then I started thinking about grandpa, because January through march makes me think of him. He was in the hospital in January, then he died in March the 17th or the 18th, it's a little unclear to me. Wow, that was a random babble if I ever had one. Sorry if that through you right off track! lol but thanks for reading (sort of lending me an eyeball in place of the ear~very thoughtful!)

Christmas spirit? I will be honest. I almost feel like staying home and skipping it all together. It feels like a big hassle. I have been non stop for moths and now I have a place to be creative and relax, and I would kind of like to do that. Maybe that will be my present to myself... (yah right!) lol

So my other thought was that blogging seems somewhat of a journal entry or a really long status on facebook. I guess it is good then that most of my facebook friends don't read my blog or they might see my scroogy attitude and be disappointed! lol The truth is I love writing in a journal, but lets' be truthful about it... I haven't written more than four entries in the past year. I think to many people kept reading them and invading my privacy so I stopped writing super personal stuff, so blogging is about the intensity I write anywhere anyway, so I might as well share it with anyone interested (especially journal readers! Eat your fill of my life's gossip, um, if that is what it is).

I guess the computer is my cat today, as I am talking to it as I type, it feels like I am writing to someone so it's somewhat interactive and well, I don't have to feed it or you, so I am already miles ahead of the game~


And you know what else... I think it's kids that make Christmas. I moved towns and without a car, I am stuck at my place instead of joining my family for Christmas movies and hot chocolate. watching the little one get all excited when Rudolf's nose glows or wiping their sticky hands or snuggling by the tree lights. yup, that's what is missing, Children. I have so may in my life, they are just not here today, so I guess I should get to bed and go see some of them tomorrow for kisses and smiles~

MERRY CHRISTMAS~

Umm, yes, there was Thanksgiving... And now Christmas!

Well, it sure has been awhile~ once again!

It turns out, that there was a thanksgiving after all. My brothers decided against the cancellation of such a wonderful holiday so we managed a lovely setting at my mamma's house. There were homemade turkey name tags and table settings, A cozy murmur of chit chat and children and a glowing mamma as she entertained all us kids and grand kids at her place.  And it was wonderful~

It is funny how things turn out! I had desired it and it manifested! The truth be known, I LOVE the holidays!! All of them! I always look forward to my sister showing off her cooking skills and my brothers bonding while the sisters, mamma and I all gossip about random (and sometimes quite boring) everyday life things. I love how mom always wants to help and all the kids run around showing off toys, battle moves, reading skills and building Lego houses (which I tend to take part in at every visit as well).

And that's just mom and my siblings part of the family~ On dad's side (a big french Canadian family) we all gather at an aunties place, and we feast! (we had a thanksgiving there as well, but Pepere wasn't there so it wasn't quite the same). We gather and chat about what new endeavors life has brought us since our last family gathering and even more kids run around doing their own things, (always loving the attention of anyone who will listen!) and I'll be honest, I really love having each and everyone of them in my life!

Next is Christmas. It is right around the the corner! I am so excited! I have been invited to one sister's home for an open house (she was just recently engaged to a wonderful man while off in Hawaii) on Christmas eve, Christmas day consists of Coffee with mom, Presents with dad's family, a quick stop at my adopted families house, then to my other sister place for dinner with mom and more siblings (and their children). Boxing day, stopping off at adopted grammy's home on the way to my third brothers place for another holiday dinner~

Now tell me~ Do I sound deprived? lol! Not one morsel!! I am so excited! I think that perhaps not having children or even a partner (not interested in either at the moment) that I am more inclined to love it like a child, wanting more of it in my life! I love the hustle and bustle (and being able to give the kids back) then winding down in a peaceful home in whatever manner I so choose without having to be considerate of someone else in my space~ *sigh* I know, how selfish! lol!

I have just finished a hot mocha made with espresso, carnation hot chocolate, and milk~ I intend on being up for awhile. Maybe I will write a little more or perhaps I will attempt to draw~

I can't believe Christmas Eve is in two sleeps!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

No Thanksgiving!

Well, I'm not sure how to feel about this: Thanksgiving is all about family for me, giving thanks for my family and how big the family is growing and how many beautiful children there are and how we can share it together. For me spending quality with my family is how I feel love. (it is my love language).

I am really disappointed that a couple of family members who spend tons of time together have decided that there will be no thanks giving, that to me is like telling a child, there will be no Christmas. We have only 4 holidays in 365 days that we all get together for a united occasion and celebrate. What is our culture coming too?

When I was in Italy, a family doesn't look at the circumstance, they just find any reason they can to get together, even dinner at mom's every Saturday night. I really miss that sense of togetherness. Yes, there are uncomfortable moments or times when siblings and each other or their parents have an argument, or there is a slight tension between in laws, but they just make it happen, because nothing in this world is more important than family. Family is the center of the universe there and they always find something to talk about, laugh about, smile about or even argue about but nothing is thicker than the ties of family. Without family, what else is there but just simply existing? Italy taught me how great my family is but it has also showed how much I miss out on.

I am very disappointed and my reaction was that of absolute disbelief. It is a holiday, a time for family to get together, I repeat a time for family to get together! Are we falling apart as a family, as a quadrant? I wonder if it would make a difference if I had my own home for everyone to come to or if it really is that they just don't care anymore?

Well, I guess I can live vicariously through the rest of the world or live in a story where family comes first. One thing I do know, I will be sure to find other things to be thankful for even though I feel let down by the decision of some of my family members.

Happy Thanksgiving~

The link to purchase My Friend Jacob Moon~

http://www2.xlibris.com/bookstore/bookdisplay.aspx?bookid=79216

It's Been Awhile~

Yes, it has been awhile since my last post...

I have been on a roller coaster ride though! I find that when life is crazy twisting and turning going up and down with no real direction, it is much easier to forget about writing. Of course, when I look back on my life and see all twists and turns from a distance, I realize I should have been writing all along, but that being said, I have been reflecting in that manner since I can remember, so I don't see a pattern change now! To start, I had been auditioning for plays for an entire year when I finally found a club I could help out in November of 09. I was lighting and sound for Over the Hills and Through the Woods. Shortly after that show, I landed my first role. I was cast as Gert in Lost in Yonkers, by Neil Simon. It wasn't just any role! It was a funny part that's for sure, and it was a great role to break the ice for me. I actually never knew it was a funny role until opening night and when the audience laughed... I felt so much joy! My heart grew so big. It was also in a play that was participating in festival, which at the time meant nothing to me. Festival is when all of the shows across BC perform in front of a judge for their zone, then the winner from each zone go to Mainstage in Kamloops, BC in front of a different judge to decide which zone has the best performance, to land the best performance award for all of BC. Our show won the Fraser Valley Zone and then went on to win Best Performance for all of BC. I was given an honorable mention :) It truly was honorable seeing as there were about 20+ supporting female actors and only 4 or 5 were mentioned, He said I executed my part Beautifully! Considering I have really bombed most auditions from bad nerves, I felt on top of the world! After, or rather during Lost in Yonkers, I had been given another part as Ms Ida Rhinegold in Dirty work at the crossroads, but they cancelled 2 days before opening night. I was a little upset about that... And so before Mainstage I had also auditioned for Bard in the Valley. They saw how I bombed my audition (I had never read Shakespeare in my life to my knowledge~but I loved the movies...) As I was leaving, Probably without a call back, the producer, whom I knew, asked me how Lost in Yonkers was doing... I said great! and then the assistant director said, what Lost in Yonkers? I told her for the Langley Playhouse, and she went, 'THAT was YOU?! Here read this!' And that was how I got the part of Audry :) It really pays to know people or have them know you! (and actually, it didn't pay, not in cash anyway! lol It was all volunteer) That was a wonderful experience as well. I should back up a little. When I was rehearsing for Bard, I was there but not completely present, I wasn't aware of it at the time, but it was because I was still Gert! I had felt like Gert through the entire run and when Mainstage was over, I sat back on the grass before a run through with As You Like It and realized I had to say goodbye, I closed my eyes under the sun and cried. It was so hard to let her go after all I had been through becoming her. After I let go of Gert, I became present in Bard, I felt a little hole, but I was present. At that moment,t I had remembered what I had loved about theatre when I was young. The commitment, the training and sculpting of a character. It was so wonderful, such an amazing experience. I must say, I am truly grateful to Mary and her prodding and enticement to take the role in the first place and to everyone in the show. It was one of the best experiences of my life this far! OTHER STUFF~ So, as you may have read, I have been self publishing my first picture book in the My Friend Series, My Friend Jacob Moon. I had started it last year after my grandfather and a dear friend of mine Bob had both passed away. My year was rough, emotionally, I guess that's part of the reason why theatre was so much help. I really needed to be creative. When I had decided to self publish my first book, it was so surreal. I had no idea how I was going to manage it, financially, creatively, and time wise, but it all came together. I had help form a friend to pay for it, and with the push of encouragement from my mother, I drew the pictures and they were much more beautiful than I had imagined. I had never done anything like it before so there was a period where everything was on hold. I wasn't sure how to press forward without a few tools and guidance so I sent out a little prayer at the end of December (after four months of stressing) and a week later the person I needed to help me sort out all the errors was directed to me. I knew at that point I was definitely on the right road. So I spent the next two months tweaking the art and then the following four months, in between rehearsals and shows, having people read and edit the book until I finally asked my magnificently talented brother to help me to edit it properly. He did, even musically. I knew it was ready. So I sent in the finally copy and said yes, I am happy with it and my first copies arrived at my door 2 weeks ago. I cried! It was so amazing after such a long process (with the ten+ year period it took to even start publishing it) to see it in color sitting in my hand. I was so happy. I still am. I love it! I can't wait to print out copies to sell it here in Canada and do book signings! I can sell it online in the states, so I will attach the link. Every has loved it, children and adults alike. I am sure you will too! It is about a little boy with cancer who teaches us to embrace life today, rather than waiting on what may never come tomorrow~ So as you can see, it has really been a wonderful year creatively, in finding my color again. It took about 15 years to find it, but those 15 years were filled with different color. Now, I go confidently into the direction of my Dreams~ Painting and writing and traveling and hopefully dancing and singing my way into my Dreams come true~ Thank you for taking the time to read this, I appreciate having someone to share these wonderful experiences with. If you enjoyed it, please leave me a comment in the comment place below~ Have an amazing weekend filled with inspiration to follow your dreams come true!

Stand Up To Cancer

Stand Up To Cancer

Another group of people with big hearts!

My Friend Jacob Moon~

I am so pleased that my picture book is about to be published!!! Only a couple more weeks and my baby will be done!

I must add: when you truly desire something, when you know what you want the outcome to be, when you are pumped for amazing results and when you don't let other distractions take your attention away from your ultimate goal... That's when things start coming together like a whirl wind. People come into your life that were never there before, opportunities arise that you hadn't thought about before and doors that you never knew existed - open! What amazing process and the journey has just begun!!! Where will this take me? Who will I meet? Where will I travel? What will I be inspired to write? This is so exciting!!!

Wow!! What A Great Start To The NEW YEAR!!!!

Last year was probably the worst year of my life! Bar none! I experienced turmoil and sadness like never before and everything awful I may have experienced in years previous, well that stuff came back to haunt me too!

Things were looking up nearer to the end of the year, but it still had a lot of pain attached to it. Even new years eve was nothing special, although the people were wonderful, we just watched a movie on t.v. and ate frozen food (cooked of course).

AND Then it happened....

THE NEW YEAR!! Wow! January first was brought in celebrating with friends! Mo made amazing homemade blueberry waffles and Colin made amazing espresso and Baily's what a combo! :) sunshine, champagne and OJ, Pictures to capture the smiles, and catching up with people that I haven't seen in ages or even years! That's how New Years morning is supposed to be brought in!

Later in the afternoon, I went to my dad and mom's place, picked them up (almost got knocked over by a bear, or so I thought before I realized that it was just the biggest friendliest bear look alike~dog [rescued]) and then we met up with my sister Brandy at the Boathouse restaurant where we proceeded to have an amazing lunch and a beautiful visit together. Unfortunately Brandy left for work, but I was able to finish bringing in the new year with mom and dad. We talked all evening and I drove home with my heart filled with joy from such an amazing day.

So since that first day, the year has been moving straight up hill!!! I have finally found an artist that is going to help me scan and touch up my art!!! He is a professional exactly in that field (water color and digital enhancement). I am completely honored to have him working with me on my book! I am ecstatic actually!

On the same day of the artists confirmation, I also had a phone call from the Langley Players saying that I got the part I had auditioned for!! I finally after 8 auditions in the past year got my first part!

Now, although a phone may seem to be no big deal... I was able to buy an iphone 4!! I have been without a phone for 4 months, since I drowned my last iphone in a cup of coffee while it was plugged in! So, not only are things rolling along beautifully, but I am also re-connected with the world again!!!

So, definitely, this year is off to an amazing start!!

I have been painting and writing and now acting, and completing my manuscript and on my way to having a full and extremely successful year! Wahooo!

Speaking of success... I can only get there if I take action, so I had better get to work! I am going to finish my personal data entry! It has to get done and since tomorrow never comes, today it must!

Have an amazing week!!!