Well, Merry Christmas!! I am sitting in a cafe. I started off with a red rooibos espresso but it just didn't cut it! I needed the real stuff! So here I am on the 21st of Dec and it is cloudy with a touch of sunshine~ Strange times we are having! I am certainly not complaining though!! I really love being able to go out and with summer tires, I would be home bound in the snow!
I have no desire to be home bound as I always love this time of year, but I am realizing that living in someone else's place makes it feel less authentic. I miss having my own decorations up and my own space to drink a glass of wine while watching a Christmas special all snuggled up on the couch. Hot choco with a dash of grand marnier is also a favorite! Regardless, I get stuck in my room (by choice, since I prefer my own company when at home)and without the usual Christmas cheer I am used too~ The same cd is playing over and over here at the cafe, I have been here an hour and it has already played 4 times so I have my youtube site playing my alternative playlist. I love social networks! (I really should be doing my English assignment, but this blog and every other social network has been a great distraction for me :)
I have been quite busy over the past few months with theatre. I had been doing the light and sound for a play, over the hills and through the woods, where I also helped with make up. I also did make up for a show in abby called remember me, then helped with a play in Surrey Snow white and the 7 vertically challenged excavators. I was so happy and so busy, then nothing. no shows. It has been really boring without it! When I was doing the shows I was busy and so I found more motivation to get things done, I found my reason to wake up everyday. I can't wait for the new year so I can get back into it!!!! I am looking forward to the day I get into a play acting! Or on T.v :) That would be even more wonderful!! Working along side of some babe! lol! I guess I should just say that although it has been quiet for the past two weeks, I have really found my art again and that makes me really happy! I have been painting, and creating, writing, working in the theatre community and working on my book! I haven't enjoyed life this much in many years!!!I am excited to sing Christmas carols with one group in two days!! FVGSS It will be so fun to sing and be a part of something so wonderful!!! Maybe that will bring the Christmas cheer too!
Well, enough of my babbling!! I hope you find a way to enjoy the holiday and to be happy everyday regardless of your situation!!
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Dear Santa~
Dear Santa, (or as mother always said as I got a little older: Dear Jesus~She always said he was the real Santa)
I am writing you to tell you what my desires are. I think I was supposed to do this earnestly about 3 years ago and I have been procrastinating... I think perhaps because I knew I wanted the things, but if I ask and it doesn’t happen, then it was a waste of faith, time and believing. Funny, I never consciously knew that until I just wrote it. Hmmm.... I guess there is something to be said about getting it done.
In many ways, that is exactly how I have approached most of my relationships too. I always pushed people away because I was sure that if I didn’t, then they would! I had to be the one to do it first! Now why on earth would a person do that when they could quite possibly have the most wonderful relationship on the planet? (Or the most amazing life!!) The answer is simple: to never get hurt, to never risk failing. I would push and they would either pursue until they got tired or just run from the start from their own problems (and as far as my dreams they would just sit on the back burner and wait). I am 35 and alone and at the lowest financially I have been in a very long time. The truth is though, I am comfortable suffering under mountains of stress and anxiety and not knowing how I will pay for my bills, but that is because it is familiar to me. I don’t know what it is like to truly be financially successful and so for some wild reason that scares the hell out of me! Perhaps again because like I mentioned earlier, I might be let down. But then, I have nothing, so there is nothing to lose!!! Right? How can that make sense? How can it make sense to not try if you haven’t got anywhere without trying? How can you fail if you try, you can only get one step closer to getting what you desire. If you don`t try or make the effort or have faith...then you have already failed. SO... I could say I am a failure, but I am not. In the past tense I have failed by not trying to pursue my dreams fully out of fear, but this is me now taking a risk and if something comes of it, Great! If not? I am no better or worse off than before except that I know that this is either not the right product or time at THIS time! Who knows what tomorrow holds, but I want to wake up one day and look back and know I did EVERYTHING I could to manifest my dreams come true! And here is the first step... Knowing what your dreams are :) So I have written them out! I am not posting them here because they are my dreams, you need to write out yours! So get started and lets see where it takes us a year down the road.....
I am writing you to tell you what my desires are. I think I was supposed to do this earnestly about 3 years ago and I have been procrastinating... I think perhaps because I knew I wanted the things, but if I ask and it doesn’t happen, then it was a waste of faith, time and believing. Funny, I never consciously knew that until I just wrote it. Hmmm.... I guess there is something to be said about getting it done.
In many ways, that is exactly how I have approached most of my relationships too. I always pushed people away because I was sure that if I didn’t, then they would! I had to be the one to do it first! Now why on earth would a person do that when they could quite possibly have the most wonderful relationship on the planet? (Or the most amazing life!!) The answer is simple: to never get hurt, to never risk failing. I would push and they would either pursue until they got tired or just run from the start from their own problems (and as far as my dreams they would just sit on the back burner and wait). I am 35 and alone and at the lowest financially I have been in a very long time. The truth is though, I am comfortable suffering under mountains of stress and anxiety and not knowing how I will pay for my bills, but that is because it is familiar to me. I don’t know what it is like to truly be financially successful and so for some wild reason that scares the hell out of me! Perhaps again because like I mentioned earlier, I might be let down. But then, I have nothing, so there is nothing to lose!!! Right? How can that make sense? How can it make sense to not try if you haven’t got anywhere without trying? How can you fail if you try, you can only get one step closer to getting what you desire. If you don`t try or make the effort or have faith...then you have already failed. SO... I could say I am a failure, but I am not. In the past tense I have failed by not trying to pursue my dreams fully out of fear, but this is me now taking a risk and if something comes of it, Great! If not? I am no better or worse off than before except that I know that this is either not the right product or time at THIS time! Who knows what tomorrow holds, but I want to wake up one day and look back and know I did EVERYTHING I could to manifest my dreams come true! And here is the first step... Knowing what your dreams are :) So I have written them out! I am not posting them here because they are my dreams, you need to write out yours! So get started and lets see where it takes us a year down the road.....
Posted by a Friend on Facebook~ Pete Shaw:
Pete Shaw:
An eagles egg was put in a barnyard chickens nest,all his life,clucked,scratched the earth,cackled,thrashed his wings,would fly a little..Then when old he saw a golden eagle flying in grateful majesty above..In awe he asked,who's that?. That's an eagle said his neighbor,the king of the birds,we belong to the earth,were chick...ens..So the eagle lived & died a chicken as that is what he thought he was !!
My friend had this posted on his facebook this morning and it really touched me so I thought I would post it here to single it out and share it with you!
Have a wonderful day realizing who you really are ;)
An eagles egg was put in a barnyard chickens nest,all his life,clucked,scratched the earth,cackled,thrashed his wings,would fly a little..Then when old he saw a golden eagle flying in grateful majesty above..In awe he asked,who's that?. That's an eagle said his neighbor,the king of the birds,we belong to the earth,were chick...ens..So the eagle lived & died a chicken as that is what he thought he was !!
My friend had this posted on his facebook this morning and it really touched me so I thought I would post it here to single it out and share it with you!
Have a wonderful day realizing who you really are ;)
Attitude of Gratitude!
Sometimes I think, REALLY!!!! How can one be grateful when people are so disrespectful!!! How can I be grateful when I am so tired because of that disrespect??? How can I be grateful when people are not real around me??? How can I be grateful when nothing seems to be working out in my life??? And the people who's space I am in are not people I want to to spend my time with and feel like a slave to their world??
Sometimes I think it will be impossible to muster up a good feeling, when it has been my whole life that complaining has been a regular part of when things are not the way I like them (because I think that everyone should live in an environment that is good for them and that makes them happy or they are not really being true to themselves!
I am working on it though, I spend a few minutes every morning and evening writing out things that I am grateful for in hopes that it will shift my mind and change my thoughts to those beautiful things and I can forget the things I don't like all the while focusing on and receiving more of the things I do like so I can attract more of that in my life! Then my life will have changed for the better!
Today, since being woken up at 5:30 of the noise of a person or persons that own the house I am living in,in a bed that gives me so much back pain every night so I wake up sore and stiff every morning! I thought: What do I have to be grateful for????? So I did not write in my gratitude journal, and I have been tense and angry ever since!! Why? Because that is all I am focusing on. SO now I am going to write a few things I am grateful for here rather than my journal so you too can see the simplicity of it and maybe we will both get a change in attitude :)
~I am grateful for my mother and her love!
~I am grateful for the early Christmas dinner with my brother's girlfriends family (lucky for me, I am single without kids or they wouldn't have sorry for me! lol!)
~I am grateful for the prospect of finding my own place in the new year! :)
~I am grateful for the ability to read and write!
~I am grateful for the desire to do more with my life!
~I am grateful for healthy teeth to brush!
~I am grateful to wake up with full health every day!
~I am grateful I have a roof over my head and food to eat :)
Usually I only write out three things in the morning because there hasn't been much going on since I wrote the night before, but today I have been up for a little while so I needed to write a few more to get me out of my foul mood! :)
The thing is, I have learned that two thoughts cannot be in your head at once, so if you are feeling gratitude for something you cannot at the same time be grumpy or angry it is impossible!!! So on those days I am feeling yuk! then I just write out more things to be grateful for then I can shift my attitude and change my life!!
I hope that has been helpful to you~ Not the most conventional method of writing about the topic I guess but as I grow spiritually so will my writing ;)
Have a great day and feel free to subscribe to my blog!
Ciao~
Sometimes I think it will be impossible to muster up a good feeling, when it has been my whole life that complaining has been a regular part of when things are not the way I like them (because I think that everyone should live in an environment that is good for them and that makes them happy or they are not really being true to themselves!
I am working on it though, I spend a few minutes every morning and evening writing out things that I am grateful for in hopes that it will shift my mind and change my thoughts to those beautiful things and I can forget the things I don't like all the while focusing on and receiving more of the things I do like so I can attract more of that in my life! Then my life will have changed for the better!
Today, since being woken up at 5:30 of the noise of a person or persons that own the house I am living in,in a bed that gives me so much back pain every night so I wake up sore and stiff every morning! I thought: What do I have to be grateful for????? So I did not write in my gratitude journal, and I have been tense and angry ever since!! Why? Because that is all I am focusing on. SO now I am going to write a few things I am grateful for here rather than my journal so you too can see the simplicity of it and maybe we will both get a change in attitude :)
~I am grateful for my mother and her love!
~I am grateful for the early Christmas dinner with my brother's girlfriends family (lucky for me, I am single without kids or they wouldn't have sorry for me! lol!)
~I am grateful for the prospect of finding my own place in the new year! :)
~I am grateful for the ability to read and write!
~I am grateful for the desire to do more with my life!
~I am grateful for healthy teeth to brush!
~I am grateful to wake up with full health every day!
~I am grateful I have a roof over my head and food to eat :)
Usually I only write out three things in the morning because there hasn't been much going on since I wrote the night before, but today I have been up for a little while so I needed to write a few more to get me out of my foul mood! :)
The thing is, I have learned that two thoughts cannot be in your head at once, so if you are feeling gratitude for something you cannot at the same time be grumpy or angry it is impossible!!! So on those days I am feeling yuk! then I just write out more things to be grateful for then I can shift my attitude and change my life!!
I hope that has been helpful to you~ Not the most conventional method of writing about the topic I guess but as I grow spiritually so will my writing ;)
Have a great day and feel free to subscribe to my blog!
Ciao~
Thursday, November 11, 2010
my thought for the day...
I wonders how much truth is in those stories? *sigh* trust what you know! Never allow yourself to be sucked into the void of misled truths... It will only burn a hole where there once was hope. Again, we are where we started two moments or memories ago... yesterday is but dust, tomorrow is where hope must rest and all we truly have this this moment, the one in which I am writing to you now...missjessicabouchard
Monday, November 8, 2010
It Has Been Awhile...
Well, It has been awhile for sure!! I have been so busy that I haven't even found time to write in my journal or gratitude book. I get so tired that I fall asleep thinking about all the things I am grateful for, but they haven't been making it into 'the book' It has been two weeks exactly! You know what that means? I am making time and effort tonight! (and I will count this as my journal entry ;)
So the thing is, I have been moving all over the place and everything in my life has been tossed up into the air and I am still waiting for it to land.. A friend of mine (Vanessa) asked me recently how I could stand it, how could I handle moving all the time, lost in uncertainty and confusion of what is next. I said well, that this is just how it is for me, that this is how I live, some people are stable in one place and some are stable on the move or on the go. The truth is, I love traveling and seeing new places and meeting new people, but I would really love to have a home base. I think that as I get older I desire a home. A place that I can leave MY things, where I can leave for a month and come back to, to find everything just as I had left it. It gets tiring moving my things from place to place but without the movement in my life I would become stagnant, bored, and feel as though there was no purpose again.
The other thing I recently realized is that all the people I loved spending my time with as a teen are all still hanging out with each other or married and busy, or have kids or any combination of those but I don't know how to engage in conversation with them.. what do I talk about. I have been away for so many years, I feel lost for words. I feel like I am living in some sort of time warp.
I need to really just settle long enough to focus on finishing one task! I must finish the art for my book, and study the courses I signed up for. the rest can wait! One day I will take voice lessons, one day I will take ballet, one day I will be 135 lbs again, but for now those two things must stay my focus!!!
SO today, I am grateful for accomplishing all the house work I could fit in, for cooking a meal that made people happy, for going for a walk, for filling up the bike tires with air, for having internet, for having friends, for having confidence, for my mother, for my sister and my brother and their kids and spouses, for my room and the place I live, for fields near my house, for the horses and the trails, for the Cd's and records and games that were given to me, for the beautiful weather, for winning the lottery, for becoming a better techie, for the opportunity to be a techie, for my mother's happiness, for Paul's art show and seeing so many wonderful people I haven't seen for so long, and for Micheal's birthday at the pool where I was OK with being me while spending time with my very happy niece! :)
OK, that is a few more than 5 :) I am grateful for many other things too, but now I must go to sleep!
One day, I will have MY home. for now I am happy, content...I love all the people and the places I have experienced because of my traveling nature...
So the thing is, I have been moving all over the place and everything in my life has been tossed up into the air and I am still waiting for it to land.. A friend of mine (Vanessa) asked me recently how I could stand it, how could I handle moving all the time, lost in uncertainty and confusion of what is next. I said well, that this is just how it is for me, that this is how I live, some people are stable in one place and some are stable on the move or on the go. The truth is, I love traveling and seeing new places and meeting new people, but I would really love to have a home base. I think that as I get older I desire a home. A place that I can leave MY things, where I can leave for a month and come back to, to find everything just as I had left it. It gets tiring moving my things from place to place but without the movement in my life I would become stagnant, bored, and feel as though there was no purpose again.
The other thing I recently realized is that all the people I loved spending my time with as a teen are all still hanging out with each other or married and busy, or have kids or any combination of those but I don't know how to engage in conversation with them.. what do I talk about. I have been away for so many years, I feel lost for words. I feel like I am living in some sort of time warp.
I need to really just settle long enough to focus on finishing one task! I must finish the art for my book, and study the courses I signed up for. the rest can wait! One day I will take voice lessons, one day I will take ballet, one day I will be 135 lbs again, but for now those two things must stay my focus!!!
SO today, I am grateful for accomplishing all the house work I could fit in, for cooking a meal that made people happy, for going for a walk, for filling up the bike tires with air, for having internet, for having friends, for having confidence, for my mother, for my sister and my brother and their kids and spouses, for my room and the place I live, for fields near my house, for the horses and the trails, for the Cd's and records and games that were given to me, for the beautiful weather, for winning the lottery, for becoming a better techie, for the opportunity to be a techie, for my mother's happiness, for Paul's art show and seeing so many wonderful people I haven't seen for so long, and for Micheal's birthday at the pool where I was OK with being me while spending time with my very happy niece! :)
OK, that is a few more than 5 :) I am grateful for many other things too, but now I must go to sleep!
One day, I will have MY home. for now I am happy, content...I love all the people and the places I have experienced because of my traveling nature...
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Keep on Writing...
You know how the world is so material. Well, I grew up poor and with a great desire to be wealthy so that I could have all the desires of my heart. And now at 35 I realize that I have had it all backwards. Yes, it is great having money and being able to do all the things one desires, but I spent years, I mean years accumulating things so that I could be surrounded with stuff that I loved so that I didn't feel poor. And if fact, working away all those years I lost my art. I lost my desire for life, Not that I wished death upon myself, but that I wanted to curl up in a ball and lose myself in television and mindless activities when I wasn't working. Now, I am awake, as though my spirit has been reawaken from a slumber deep as that of sleeping beauty. I feel drawn once again to the simplicity of life so that I am not burdened with things. So that I may travel and write and live in nature and go on road trips and live bondage free.
I think if I owned my own home I would easily have more peace and feel less bound, but to have to lug everything I own around with me on every endeavor that I have. It begins to feel like a ball and chain tied to my waste and I can hardly leave my dark and cold basement suite to enjoy the sunshine because I am stuck in a comfort zone of laziness. I am considering to put all of my 'things' in storage so that I may be free to travel around lite without any baggage without the weight of the world on my shoulders. I will be able to go anywhere to promote my book and not worry if I have lost anything along the way. I will find random places to sit and write and I will meet wonderful characters for my books. This sounds like a free way to live. I feel good about it the way have felt before about other journeys and trips that I have taken... We shall see if I truly follow through with this one!
So, I have once again found my art. I am alive and excited to, as Jaysen said, keep on writing. It doesn't matter if it is in my blog or facebook or a letter to a friend or my mother or my journal, I must just keep on writing!
I am blown away by the fact that my book will be for sale this Oct. 'My Friend Jacob'. It is a wonder why I never did this before. The feeling of success is full inside of me. I feel alive again.
Thank you for sharing this with me :)
I think if I owned my own home I would easily have more peace and feel less bound, but to have to lug everything I own around with me on every endeavor that I have. It begins to feel like a ball and chain tied to my waste and I can hardly leave my dark and cold basement suite to enjoy the sunshine because I am stuck in a comfort zone of laziness. I am considering to put all of my 'things' in storage so that I may be free to travel around lite without any baggage without the weight of the world on my shoulders. I will be able to go anywhere to promote my book and not worry if I have lost anything along the way. I will find random places to sit and write and I will meet wonderful characters for my books. This sounds like a free way to live. I feel good about it the way have felt before about other journeys and trips that I have taken... We shall see if I truly follow through with this one!
So, I have once again found my art. I am alive and excited to, as Jaysen said, keep on writing. It doesn't matter if it is in my blog or facebook or a letter to a friend or my mother or my journal, I must just keep on writing!
I am blown away by the fact that my book will be for sale this Oct. 'My Friend Jacob'. It is a wonder why I never did this before. The feeling of success is full inside of me. I feel alive again.
Thank you for sharing this with me :)
Friday, September 17, 2010
The Journey...
I am learning so much! Creating this book was a means to cope with the death of my grandmother, but it has become bigger than anything I had ever imagined. This book will help so many people in so many different ways. I have people from all walks of life waiting for it to be published. Teachers, mothers, fathers, daughter, doctors, nurses, neighbors, paramedics, friends, family, councilors, writers, readers, runners.... the list goes on and on.
The truth is, I have wanted to publish these books for so many years and yet, knowing what I know now, the timing just wasn't right.
Thanks to a Jack Canfield's book 'The Success Principles' the ball really got going, but it has been a two and a half year journey from the day I met Karen Higginson in LLI. That day changed my life. That was my first day of the process of waking up from the slumber I was in. I wanted more and she was the first person put into my life to set me on the right path. There are others that don't have any idea that they were inspirational, like Quinton Carlin, Shannon Lavinia, Tony Rush and Rachael Oliver... They were the people that pushed me everyday even through the disbelief that sat in my heart. Later there were others one in particular who is still in my life, Lacey Elliot. What a wonderful woman! There are still others, close friends who were wonderful as well, but on the large scale it was the people who were out of touch and larger than life that pushed me and inspired me in ways that those close to me didn't know how.
So after all the big Guru's and their guidance that I couldn't seem to put to work, I finally realized that you can't be successful and happy if you don't like what you are doing. So what did I love to do? Write... that simple, but the other rule was that you HAVE to give back or it won't work! and not just a little, but with your whole heart until it becomes the focus!
I found my calling. I always wanted to help people and I have the biggest love for children, but I always figured that in order for me to help others I had to first be successful. I was wrong! I am successful, everyday I succeed at something. Now what am I going to do to help others!!!
What I learned from all of those amazing people was that first you must hold gratitude for everything in your life and secondly
In order to HAVE the things you want to have and to DO the things you desire to do, you first have to Be the person you want to be!
And so it is that Jacob finally came to life!
The truth is, I have wanted to publish these books for so many years and yet, knowing what I know now, the timing just wasn't right.
Thanks to a Jack Canfield's book 'The Success Principles' the ball really got going, but it has been a two and a half year journey from the day I met Karen Higginson in LLI. That day changed my life. That was my first day of the process of waking up from the slumber I was in. I wanted more and she was the first person put into my life to set me on the right path. There are others that don't have any idea that they were inspirational, like Quinton Carlin, Shannon Lavinia, Tony Rush and Rachael Oliver... They were the people that pushed me everyday even through the disbelief that sat in my heart. Later there were others one in particular who is still in my life, Lacey Elliot. What a wonderful woman! There are still others, close friends who were wonderful as well, but on the large scale it was the people who were out of touch and larger than life that pushed me and inspired me in ways that those close to me didn't know how.
So after all the big Guru's and their guidance that I couldn't seem to put to work, I finally realized that you can't be successful and happy if you don't like what you are doing. So what did I love to do? Write... that simple, but the other rule was that you HAVE to give back or it won't work! and not just a little, but with your whole heart until it becomes the focus!
I found my calling. I always wanted to help people and I have the biggest love for children, but I always figured that in order for me to help others I had to first be successful. I was wrong! I am successful, everyday I succeed at something. Now what am I going to do to help others!!!
What I learned from all of those amazing people was that first you must hold gratitude for everything in your life and secondly
In order to HAVE the things you want to have and to DO the things you desire to do, you first have to Be the person you want to be!
And so it is that Jacob finally came to life!
Crazy Dreams~ What do they Mean?
Last night I had a crazy dream.
I was standing outside of a hospital but I also knew it to be a shelter of some sort because the news on the t.v. and radio had said that there would be a meteor shower and that we needed to be in buildings that were stronger than our houses.
It was night and I looked up at the sky and watched as the stars started shooting themselves wildly across the heavens, they were what looked like galaxies of swarming stars trying to open up, there were moving in spirals spinning and shifting while making room for other colors and designs. Then there was a second moon. How? It wasn't making sense, I kept wondering if I were in a dream. The people around me were oblivious and yet I couldn't open my mouth to tell them as I was in reverenced awe of what I was seeing. Then I heard a voice behind me, look! Look at that shooting star! It's so big and bright. Then we watched as it caught fire burning through our atmosphere and landing some 5 miles in the distance. It was incredible to experience something so magnificent and powerful right before my eyes. My mind told me to run but I couldn't move because of the curiosity that flooded my veins. It was unbelievably exciting! A few more came crashing through and one headed for us, at this time the early morning was breaking and all the while I was silent. I felt fear that it was the end and an emotion of sheer survival had overcome me, nothing seemed relevant or important anymore. Where was my family, were my friends OK? I was asking but I realized that I could only do what I could do, and family was the priority. I needed to find them, as these thoughts were bursting through my head a meteor was headed directly for the hospital. RUUUUUUUNNNNNNN! I screamed and we ran, there were so many innocent and ignorant people who died in that building in that second, but again it quickly sifted out of my mind, I had to focus and as I was running, I looked up to the sky and saw that these were not asteroids but discs of some sort with strange markings and patterns on them. Now the formation in the sky made sense to me, as being an entrance for these alien beings to enter our solar system. They caused a tear so profound and awesome that it created a second moon to enter our solar system. They were so advanced that the simplicity of there weapons seemed juvenile. They were attacking our earth!
I ran and ran, and by now it was bright outside, the sun was shining and it seemed as another beautiful day in the city, I felt as though I were an important cog in all of this excitement and terror but I couldn't imagine how. I ran across a deserted lane on the freeway and hailed a small red car that had stopped on the side of the road. there was a man it it bawling and blubbering like a baby, I don't know what to do he said, where do I goo they will find us we will all die, I said if you are now going to drive anywhere I want see what I can do, can you give me your car, still crying and desperately hopeless he handed me the keys to his little car and I drove away. I drove to the cities exit, but that is where all the congestion was. Everyone was so desperate to leave that no one could move in the traffic jam, there were thousands of people walking with there children and very few supplies, they wanted out, although no one knew where it was they were going to. there were living zombies and all in flight mode. That made me wonder, where were the ones who were fighting for us, I saw no evidence of any army or government aid whatsoever. I was stuck and couldn't move any further in the car so I jumped out and up on rails of the freeway to move more quickly, running jumping and hoping over things and bypassing angry people waving their fists at each other all panicked and out of their minds.
I came to a small group of woman who were in their 50's and 60's. They were fine, and they looked at me and said finally you have arrived! but now you must go back, go to that building and you will be safe and you will know what to do. So I took the way they had directed and went into a big red brick building that was perfectly rectangular with no added character to its architecture. I found the entrance and found stairs wide and white with black rails winding up and up to the top of the building with many brown doors lining the walls on the way up. I opened one and it led to a large corridor with many more light brown doors. So I walked down this hall still hearing the attacks outside. I opened a door and a person who had at times been a friend to me was standing their and said hi, she was distant in her emotions not wanting to share her space or ideas. I saw a bag of chocolate and asked if I could have some, she said sure but i sensed resentment in her voice for me eating her chocolate like a pig. I stared up at her and said thank you, I haven't eaten in three says, then I cold see her face retract her previous annoyance with guilt and with reprieve she offered other food as well and said she was sharing the place with another friend of mine, I thought this strange since they had never met through anyone but me and yet I had no idea of why they would hide this information. So I said, looking around at this massive 3 floored apt and I said, may I stay here for now until I know what I must do next and there she was back to her face of resentment. I was confused and unsure what the ladies from the street wanted me to do....
Then I awoke.
I was standing outside of a hospital but I also knew it to be a shelter of some sort because the news on the t.v. and radio had said that there would be a meteor shower and that we needed to be in buildings that were stronger than our houses.
It was night and I looked up at the sky and watched as the stars started shooting themselves wildly across the heavens, they were what looked like galaxies of swarming stars trying to open up, there were moving in spirals spinning and shifting while making room for other colors and designs. Then there was a second moon. How? It wasn't making sense, I kept wondering if I were in a dream. The people around me were oblivious and yet I couldn't open my mouth to tell them as I was in reverenced awe of what I was seeing. Then I heard a voice behind me, look! Look at that shooting star! It's so big and bright. Then we watched as it caught fire burning through our atmosphere and landing some 5 miles in the distance. It was incredible to experience something so magnificent and powerful right before my eyes. My mind told me to run but I couldn't move because of the curiosity that flooded my veins. It was unbelievably exciting! A few more came crashing through and one headed for us, at this time the early morning was breaking and all the while I was silent. I felt fear that it was the end and an emotion of sheer survival had overcome me, nothing seemed relevant or important anymore. Where was my family, were my friends OK? I was asking but I realized that I could only do what I could do, and family was the priority. I needed to find them, as these thoughts were bursting through my head a meteor was headed directly for the hospital. RUUUUUUUNNNNNNN! I screamed and we ran, there were so many innocent and ignorant people who died in that building in that second, but again it quickly sifted out of my mind, I had to focus and as I was running, I looked up to the sky and saw that these were not asteroids but discs of some sort with strange markings and patterns on them. Now the formation in the sky made sense to me, as being an entrance for these alien beings to enter our solar system. They caused a tear so profound and awesome that it created a second moon to enter our solar system. They were so advanced that the simplicity of there weapons seemed juvenile. They were attacking our earth!
I ran and ran, and by now it was bright outside, the sun was shining and it seemed as another beautiful day in the city, I felt as though I were an important cog in all of this excitement and terror but I couldn't imagine how. I ran across a deserted lane on the freeway and hailed a small red car that had stopped on the side of the road. there was a man it it bawling and blubbering like a baby, I don't know what to do he said, where do I goo they will find us we will all die, I said if you are now going to drive anywhere I want see what I can do, can you give me your car, still crying and desperately hopeless he handed me the keys to his little car and I drove away. I drove to the cities exit, but that is where all the congestion was. Everyone was so desperate to leave that no one could move in the traffic jam, there were thousands of people walking with there children and very few supplies, they wanted out, although no one knew where it was they were going to. there were living zombies and all in flight mode. That made me wonder, where were the ones who were fighting for us, I saw no evidence of any army or government aid whatsoever. I was stuck and couldn't move any further in the car so I jumped out and up on rails of the freeway to move more quickly, running jumping and hoping over things and bypassing angry people waving their fists at each other all panicked and out of their minds.
I came to a small group of woman who were in their 50's and 60's. They were fine, and they looked at me and said finally you have arrived! but now you must go back, go to that building and you will be safe and you will know what to do. So I took the way they had directed and went into a big red brick building that was perfectly rectangular with no added character to its architecture. I found the entrance and found stairs wide and white with black rails winding up and up to the top of the building with many brown doors lining the walls on the way up. I opened one and it led to a large corridor with many more light brown doors. So I walked down this hall still hearing the attacks outside. I opened a door and a person who had at times been a friend to me was standing their and said hi, she was distant in her emotions not wanting to share her space or ideas. I saw a bag of chocolate and asked if I could have some, she said sure but i sensed resentment in her voice for me eating her chocolate like a pig. I stared up at her and said thank you, I haven't eaten in three says, then I cold see her face retract her previous annoyance with guilt and with reprieve she offered other food as well and said she was sharing the place with another friend of mine, I thought this strange since they had never met through anyone but me and yet I had no idea of why they would hide this information. So I said, looking around at this massive 3 floored apt and I said, may I stay here for now until I know what I must do next and there she was back to her face of resentment. I was confused and unsure what the ladies from the street wanted me to do....
Then I awoke.
Friday, September 10, 2010
SOME SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF INNER PEACE
A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experience.
An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment
A loss of interest in judging other people
A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others
A loss of interest in conflict
A loss of ability to worry
Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation
Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature
Frequent attacks of smiling
An increased susceptibility to the love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it!
by Peace Pilgrim
And be not conformed to this world: Be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable and perfect, will of God. Romans 12:2
All of the above were from a book by Dr. Wayne W Dryer.
It was the one book that I know was personally meant for me out of all my father-like friend Bob's book collection. It really is an amazing book. It teaches us to be a peace and nothing else can effect us into a downward spiral, but how to change our thoughts to become do and have all that we desire starting with being at perfect Peace by transforming our minds.
I have been elated all day after a visit in my dream from an old friend. and realizing that many things are not limited if we don't allow them to be. Transform your mind to something lovey and be that person every day.
I am sleepy and I think it might be showing! Night!
An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment
A loss of interest in judging other people
A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others
A loss of interest in conflict
A loss of ability to worry
Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation
Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature
Frequent attacks of smiling
An increased susceptibility to the love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it!
by Peace Pilgrim
And be not conformed to this world: Be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable and perfect, will of God. Romans 12:2
All of the above were from a book by Dr. Wayne W Dryer.
It was the one book that I know was personally meant for me out of all my father-like friend Bob's book collection. It really is an amazing book. It teaches us to be a peace and nothing else can effect us into a downward spiral, but how to change our thoughts to become do and have all that we desire starting with being at perfect Peace by transforming our minds.
I have been elated all day after a visit in my dream from an old friend. and realizing that many things are not limited if we don't allow them to be. Transform your mind to something lovey and be that person every day.
I am sleepy and I think it might be showing! Night!
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Hmmm...
So I just gave an update on the book under it's blog title my-friend-jacob.blogspot.com have a look if you are interested :0)
In the meantime, life has been pretty exciting.
I drowned my IPhone in coffee last week. I nearly had a heart attack when I realized I no longer had any calendar dates or to do lists or phone numbers for any business or friend and family contacts. What a horrible feeling!!! The apps are no problem, they will always be around and updated. I am grateful though, for one thing, that I had just saved my photos from my phone to the computer that morning!
So, Friday I still managed to do an epicure party for a friend. That was pleasant.
Sunday, I went to my nieces 2ND birthday. My brother and his wife sure go all out for that special girl! It was wonderful and colorful and social. I would say she is a true Princess the way her daddy, mommy, family and friends love on her. She is a very lucky little girl!
After the party I headed to Dewdney with my girlfriend and her two boys. We picked blackberries and during the picking I endured about 30 mosquito bites and bramble bush scratches covering my arms, legs and face. The next day we made blackberry jelly which made all the itching and scratching worth it. Mmm delicious!
I managed to visit some friends and and family and have a second epicure party all this week! It`s been nice.
I was going to head to the city last night but it got late and I fell asleep on the couch at some crazy hour, dreaming about living out someone elses life. I woke up to the t.v. and felt as though I was in another time zone. I love feeling like that, it`s as if though I were the character from a book. Things that matter in real life were unimportant there and things that don`t matter here, were awesome there! Anyway..
Today, here I am still feeling like my head is in a daze, which could explain the accidental deletion of my entire project this morning.
Maybe I should go for a walk and come back to it later....
In the meantime, life has been pretty exciting.
I drowned my IPhone in coffee last week. I nearly had a heart attack when I realized I no longer had any calendar dates or to do lists or phone numbers for any business or friend and family contacts. What a horrible feeling!!! The apps are no problem, they will always be around and updated. I am grateful though, for one thing, that I had just saved my photos from my phone to the computer that morning!
So, Friday I still managed to do an epicure party for a friend. That was pleasant.
Sunday, I went to my nieces 2ND birthday. My brother and his wife sure go all out for that special girl! It was wonderful and colorful and social. I would say she is a true Princess the way her daddy, mommy, family and friends love on her. She is a very lucky little girl!
After the party I headed to Dewdney with my girlfriend and her two boys. We picked blackberries and during the picking I endured about 30 mosquito bites and bramble bush scratches covering my arms, legs and face. The next day we made blackberry jelly which made all the itching and scratching worth it. Mmm delicious!
I managed to visit some friends and and family and have a second epicure party all this week! It`s been nice.
I was going to head to the city last night but it got late and I fell asleep on the couch at some crazy hour, dreaming about living out someone elses life. I woke up to the t.v. and felt as though I was in another time zone. I love feeling like that, it`s as if though I were the character from a book. Things that matter in real life were unimportant there and things that don`t matter here, were awesome there! Anyway..
Today, here I am still feeling like my head is in a daze, which could explain the accidental deletion of my entire project this morning.
Maybe I should go for a walk and come back to it later....
Thursday, August 12, 2010
WOW! It's finally in!
So for the written record of blogville: My book, My Friend Jacob, is finally being published! I have submitted the manuscript and every other blurb needed (other than my self-portrait) and it will be ready sooner than anticipated!!!! OMGoodness!!!
This is truly exciting and while I write Neil Young's Harvest Moon plays. This song reminds me of Bob. When I was 16 I remember sitting around with him and other friends listening to this CD. It was one of his favorites! It is sad thinking that he isn't here to see my first book being published but I haven't forgotten his name in the dedication. I am sorry to lose him to cancer, he was a wonderful friend.
I am not sorry for taking a moment to remember a friend, but I hope that I haven't damped your mood if you are excited for me. It really is a wonderful experience and thinking about someone important to me is also a part of this experience. He would be very proud, I think especially because it is a book that is politically correct. He was a man who wanted the world to see clearly the truth rather than candy coating things. He wanted people to be aware and to help where help was needed. So today, I feel that the progress of my book is in celebration of his life and what he represented to those around him.
Strange how today's blog took a turn.
I am a writer. When someone asks me what do I do, I will respond. I am a writer.
I write for a children's magazine, Zamoof Mag, but this is more personal, it feels more concrete! SO watch out world! Here I come!
:)
This is truly exciting and while I write Neil Young's Harvest Moon plays. This song reminds me of Bob. When I was 16 I remember sitting around with him and other friends listening to this CD. It was one of his favorites! It is sad thinking that he isn't here to see my first book being published but I haven't forgotten his name in the dedication. I am sorry to lose him to cancer, he was a wonderful friend.
I am not sorry for taking a moment to remember a friend, but I hope that I haven't damped your mood if you are excited for me. It really is a wonderful experience and thinking about someone important to me is also a part of this experience. He would be very proud, I think especially because it is a book that is politically correct. He was a man who wanted the world to see clearly the truth rather than candy coating things. He wanted people to be aware and to help where help was needed. So today, I feel that the progress of my book is in celebration of his life and what he represented to those around him.
Strange how today's blog took a turn.
I am a writer. When someone asks me what do I do, I will respond. I am a writer.
I write for a children's magazine, Zamoof Mag, but this is more personal, it feels more concrete! SO watch out world! Here I come!
:)
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Patience is a virtue...
So that fact that patience is a virtue would lead me to believe that I need to really just enjoy the ride that life is giving me. We must remember that if we have a plan to do or be someone or something in this lifetime,we must do the best that we can at whatever we are doing everyday and know that the universe (God) will put everything in place for us so that as we go along, the right people and the right things and experiences will reveal themselves as we need them to accomplish our ultimate goal.
I had a personal deadline for myself to have the artwork finished for my book by last Wednesday, but it is now nearly this Wednesday and it is still not complete!! It takes time to create beauty :) I realized that in order for me to do well, I need to enjoy the process and in order to enjoy the process, I need to take my time. In order for me to get things done by the deadline I planned I would have to speed up the process and and lack some detail. The fact is that I want the quality and I want to enjoy the process so it will have to take longer than anticipated.
Now, with all that being said, I also need to realize what I constantly tell everyone else, that everything happens exactly the way it's supposed to and in the timing that is supposed to, so just enjoy the process. I can not be anxious for tomorrow. I have an idea that I need my book to be done by a certain date and according to what the publisher said, I need to have everything submitted to them by last wed. Now if I just enjoy the process and hand in the work when it is finished (late or not) the universe will manipulate things around me so that my book will still be finished by the day that I need or He will change the circumstances so that the deadline will be extended and it will be OK because the surrounding circumstances will coincide!
Wow, I hope it made sense, because I wanted to share with you the way that I think so that when I don't panic or worry about these things, you are able to understand my reasoning, or if I do worry, then you can help to remind me of my own beliefs :)
Patience is a virtue and I love it when I have it. Life is so much more beautiful and joy filled! I hope you can share the same feelings about your life and enjoy the process in whatever it is that you are working on in your life, be it travel plans, a work project, spending more time with your children or an art project of your own!
Have a great week!
I had a personal deadline for myself to have the artwork finished for my book by last Wednesday, but it is now nearly this Wednesday and it is still not complete!! It takes time to create beauty :) I realized that in order for me to do well, I need to enjoy the process and in order to enjoy the process, I need to take my time. In order for me to get things done by the deadline I planned I would have to speed up the process and and lack some detail. The fact is that I want the quality and I want to enjoy the process so it will have to take longer than anticipated.
Now, with all that being said, I also need to realize what I constantly tell everyone else, that everything happens exactly the way it's supposed to and in the timing that is supposed to, so just enjoy the process. I can not be anxious for tomorrow. I have an idea that I need my book to be done by a certain date and according to what the publisher said, I need to have everything submitted to them by last wed. Now if I just enjoy the process and hand in the work when it is finished (late or not) the universe will manipulate things around me so that my book will still be finished by the day that I need or He will change the circumstances so that the deadline will be extended and it will be OK because the surrounding circumstances will coincide!
Wow, I hope it made sense, because I wanted to share with you the way that I think so that when I don't panic or worry about these things, you are able to understand my reasoning, or if I do worry, then you can help to remind me of my own beliefs :)
Patience is a virtue and I love it when I have it. Life is so much more beautiful and joy filled! I hope you can share the same feelings about your life and enjoy the process in whatever it is that you are working on in your life, be it travel plans, a work project, spending more time with your children or an art project of your own!
Have a great week!
Monday, August 2, 2010
A New Artist in me is born!
Well, it is rather interesting to me how life has, in a way, taken a bit of a circle back to the beginning.
What I mean is that, as a child, I wanted to grow up and be a writer, artist and an actress! (Although; when I was a child I wanted to be an actor since they were both the same back then)
I have since my childhood (during my teens) had the opportunity to experience all of the above. I was in photography, fine arts, acting (I participated in school plays), and I excelled in English.
In my late teens and early twenties, I was in a community play, as well as I wrote for a local magazine. I am currently writing for a children's magazine in small doses, but I went on to work hard at everything except what I truly desired to do because I thought I needed to make money in order to really enjoy the arts. I obviously had it backwards and wasted several years chasing an empty dream.
Around 10 years ago, as I mentioned in the previous blog, I wrote some children's story books, but I left them in a book in a box waiting patiently for me to wake up and realize the truth of my existence!!!
Now, not only have I started to prepare the words of my book for publication, but I have decided to go so far as to do my own artwork!!! My own illustrations!! This is wild and crazy and exciting all at once!
I have a pen name that I had always wanted to use for my writing, and yet, wanted my own name on the book as well, so Now I see that my pen name will be used for the illustrator!! How exciting!
The only thing left is the acting! So I guess I will be working on that next! In the meantime, it truly is a wonderful experience to follow my childhood dream! To take a risk, to pursue the happiness I always new would be there if I just reached out on a limb!
I am truly excited to have you join me on this journey, and I hope I am an inspiration for you to take a moment to remember what it is that you really desire to do, and to take that leap of faith to go for it!! We only have one life and one chance! Don't look back with regret on what could have been! Just go for it!
My mother is in her 50's and is finally pursuing her dream as an artist! She paints and she paints beautiful and meaning filled paintings! It is never too late to follow your heart!
What I mean is that, as a child, I wanted to grow up and be a writer, artist and an actress! (Although; when I was a child I wanted to be an actor since they were both the same back then)
I have since my childhood (during my teens) had the opportunity to experience all of the above. I was in photography, fine arts, acting (I participated in school plays), and I excelled in English.
In my late teens and early twenties, I was in a community play, as well as I wrote for a local magazine. I am currently writing for a children's magazine in small doses, but I went on to work hard at everything except what I truly desired to do because I thought I needed to make money in order to really enjoy the arts. I obviously had it backwards and wasted several years chasing an empty dream.
Around 10 years ago, as I mentioned in the previous blog, I wrote some children's story books, but I left them in a book in a box waiting patiently for me to wake up and realize the truth of my existence!!!
Now, not only have I started to prepare the words of my book for publication, but I have decided to go so far as to do my own artwork!!! My own illustrations!! This is wild and crazy and exciting all at once!
I have a pen name that I had always wanted to use for my writing, and yet, wanted my own name on the book as well, so Now I see that my pen name will be used for the illustrator!! How exciting!
The only thing left is the acting! So I guess I will be working on that next! In the meantime, it truly is a wonderful experience to follow my childhood dream! To take a risk, to pursue the happiness I always new would be there if I just reached out on a limb!
I am truly excited to have you join me on this journey, and I hope I am an inspiration for you to take a moment to remember what it is that you really desire to do, and to take that leap of faith to go for it!! We only have one life and one chance! Don't look back with regret on what could have been! Just go for it!
My mother is in her 50's and is finally pursuing her dream as an artist! She paints and she paints beautiful and meaning filled paintings! It is never too late to follow your heart!
Friday, July 30, 2010
New Begining for an Old Book~
Hi!
Well, where to start? I am still wandering...as I don't have a permanent place to live at the moment, but all the while, sad and yet, wonderful things are happening.
Several years ago, about 9 or ten to be more exact, I wrote three children's books. I then stuck them into a box and left them for a rainy day when I felt ready to publish them. Maybe when I became less afraid of success..
Recently, I went to a memorial of someone very special to me. Bob Enoch. Bob, died of cancer. He was like a father to me; when mine wasn't around. He took me under his wing and taught me how to enjoy life, music and people. His son is like a brother to me, even if we haven't kept in close touch over the years until recently.
While I was there, at the memorial, I had met up with another friend who recently had a tumor removed from his brain. I had known for sometime, but to be in his presence made the impact all the more real. I was emotionally taken aback. I had at that moment remembered a children's book I once wrote about cancer. I think I wrote it around the time my memere passed away from cancer, but it went into the infamous box of un-published stories. I realized that he was similar to the character in the book in the way that he was joy to everyone around him. At that moment I knew I had to dedicate the book to him (and to all the wonderful people in my life who are suffering or have passed on because of this horrible dis ease). The funny thing is I have since realized that my real dads wife is suffering from cancer as well, and yet she likes being a ray of shining light to everyone around her too! Strange isnt it, how termoil brings out the best in humans who have learned about love...
Two nights later there was a fundraiser for this friend of mine. I was part of it. Later that night I was restless and got up around 3 am to realize that I had to do more than just dedicate that book, I had to help raise money for him to get better treatment and to help pay for some of their (him and his wife) bills.
So that became my focus. Since then I have had a string of events come along and help me get to the stage I am at now of publishing my first book.
It will be published in Oct. I will be donating part of profit to to my friend on his journey to recovery as well as children with cancer; after looking online at pictures of children with cancer, I want this to happen even more than ever! What a horrific sight! I feel so much pain in my heart for those children and their families. I hope to be able to make a difference even in some small way.
I am so excited to be a part of something so much bigger than me!
Thank you for your support in buying the book when it is published in Oct.
*sigh* Sorry about being such a downer, but this is the beauty and the sadness of this reality
Well, where to start? I am still wandering...as I don't have a permanent place to live at the moment, but all the while, sad and yet, wonderful things are happening.
Several years ago, about 9 or ten to be more exact, I wrote three children's books. I then stuck them into a box and left them for a rainy day when I felt ready to publish them. Maybe when I became less afraid of success..
Recently, I went to a memorial of someone very special to me. Bob Enoch. Bob, died of cancer. He was like a father to me; when mine wasn't around. He took me under his wing and taught me how to enjoy life, music and people. His son is like a brother to me, even if we haven't kept in close touch over the years until recently.
While I was there, at the memorial, I had met up with another friend who recently had a tumor removed from his brain. I had known for sometime, but to be in his presence made the impact all the more real. I was emotionally taken aback. I had at that moment remembered a children's book I once wrote about cancer. I think I wrote it around the time my memere passed away from cancer, but it went into the infamous box of un-published stories. I realized that he was similar to the character in the book in the way that he was joy to everyone around him. At that moment I knew I had to dedicate the book to him (and to all the wonderful people in my life who are suffering or have passed on because of this horrible dis ease). The funny thing is I have since realized that my real dads wife is suffering from cancer as well, and yet she likes being a ray of shining light to everyone around her too! Strange isnt it, how termoil brings out the best in humans who have learned about love...
Two nights later there was a fundraiser for this friend of mine. I was part of it. Later that night I was restless and got up around 3 am to realize that I had to do more than just dedicate that book, I had to help raise money for him to get better treatment and to help pay for some of their (him and his wife) bills.
So that became my focus. Since then I have had a string of events come along and help me get to the stage I am at now of publishing my first book.
It will be published in Oct. I will be donating part of profit to to my friend on his journey to recovery as well as children with cancer; after looking online at pictures of children with cancer, I want this to happen even more than ever! What a horrific sight! I feel so much pain in my heart for those children and their families. I hope to be able to make a difference even in some small way.
I am so excited to be a part of something so much bigger than me!
Thank you for your support in buying the book when it is published in Oct.
*sigh* Sorry about being such a downer, but this is the beauty and the sadness of this reality
Monday, July 5, 2010
From Happiness to Hell!
I went camping with my sister and her two sons for Canada Day long weekend. We left Thursday evening and came home Sunday evening.
It was really wonderful. I haven't spent time alone with my sister since we were little children playing. It really was great to get to know her again. I see her in brief encounters at her place when she is getting ready to go out with her friends or have her friends over or making dinner or sunbathing or when I stop over for a quick minute to say hi or play with the kids for a bit.
Here we were, stuck with each other and being forced to pay attention and notice each other.
She is a really beautiful, caring, nurturing woman who loves her children and loves to take care of the people she loves and to serve and cook and camp and be-friend the neighbor campers and and and... It felt wonderful being on the reciprocating end of her love. (Having lived alone for the last 2 1/2 years now I quite enjoyed having someone think of me and make me breakfast). After the kids had decided that they were tired and needed to go to sleep, my sister and I would stay up by campfire light listening to the country music station, laughing and singing and talking for hours while having a couple of drinks. It was great! I really enjoyed having her undivided attention, giving her mine and learning more about her.
I have been moving and going through transition in my life so it was really great to release the city stress and have it absorbed by the big green oxygen giving trees. I loved walking with the three of them and the neighbors son to the river and swimming in the glacier fed river and roasting marshmallows and making homemade hamburgers; all the while listening to the river and the rustling tree leaves rather than white noise.
I was able to focus and read and learn how to fill my space with love so as to not be so affected by outside circumstances, but to let others just be and for myself to not be lost in the midst of other people. I still need to practice that one, but with time it will get easier. (I hope)
That being said... I am back in reality and somewhat homeless, so as a result I am stuck living with someone who can act a little crazy and controlling at times. This person tends to disturb me and argue with me over every little situation so that this person is busy and occupied. I need space but there doesn't seem to be a sense of boundaries or space. So welcome to a mini hell on earth is what I feel the sign above the door says. No patience or understanding here. It's my way or the highway and if you don't like my rules (control) then you can leave! I don't care where!
From happiness to hell!
It was really wonderful. I haven't spent time alone with my sister since we were little children playing. It really was great to get to know her again. I see her in brief encounters at her place when she is getting ready to go out with her friends or have her friends over or making dinner or sunbathing or when I stop over for a quick minute to say hi or play with the kids for a bit.
Here we were, stuck with each other and being forced to pay attention and notice each other.
She is a really beautiful, caring, nurturing woman who loves her children and loves to take care of the people she loves and to serve and cook and camp and be-friend the neighbor campers and and and... It felt wonderful being on the reciprocating end of her love. (Having lived alone for the last 2 1/2 years now I quite enjoyed having someone think of me and make me breakfast). After the kids had decided that they were tired and needed to go to sleep, my sister and I would stay up by campfire light listening to the country music station, laughing and singing and talking for hours while having a couple of drinks. It was great! I really enjoyed having her undivided attention, giving her mine and learning more about her.
I have been moving and going through transition in my life so it was really great to release the city stress and have it absorbed by the big green oxygen giving trees. I loved walking with the three of them and the neighbors son to the river and swimming in the glacier fed river and roasting marshmallows and making homemade hamburgers; all the while listening to the river and the rustling tree leaves rather than white noise.
I was able to focus and read and learn how to fill my space with love so as to not be so affected by outside circumstances, but to let others just be and for myself to not be lost in the midst of other people. I still need to practice that one, but with time it will get easier. (I hope)
That being said... I am back in reality and somewhat homeless, so as a result I am stuck living with someone who can act a little crazy and controlling at times. This person tends to disturb me and argue with me over every little situation so that this person is busy and occupied. I need space but there doesn't seem to be a sense of boundaries or space. So welcome to a mini hell on earth is what I feel the sign above the door says. No patience or understanding here. It's my way or the highway and if you don't like my rules (control) then you can leave! I don't care where!
From happiness to hell!
My Lune Poems
I walk away slow
Silently
My head is hung low
I am here
I am in pure existance
I am here
I am as chipper
As a bird
Who has found a home
The river dances
Moving quick
Playing with the rocks
Camping in summer
Is more fun than home
Kids love it
Jumping swiftly down
Into the river below me
I land splashing
Soaring down freely
Like a red tailed hawk
Grabbing at its prey
Soaring down freely
Like a hawk
Grabbing prey swiftly
A turtle sits
Contemplating life
Then he swims
My nephew drums
He is a mini rockstar
With long hair
The sky gleaming blue
Is peaceful
Leaving one rested
Mamma is wonderful
She is caring and kind
Loving me unconditionaly
My bike is bright red
Shiny new
It carries me well
Silently
My head is hung low
I am here
I am in pure existance
I am here
I am as chipper
As a bird
Who has found a home
The river dances
Moving quick
Playing with the rocks
Camping in summer
Is more fun than home
Kids love it
Jumping swiftly down
Into the river below me
I land splashing
Soaring down freely
Like a red tailed hawk
Grabbing at its prey
Soaring down freely
Like a hawk
Grabbing prey swiftly
A turtle sits
Contemplating life
Then he swims
My nephew drums
He is a mini rockstar
With long hair
The sky gleaming blue
Is peaceful
Leaving one rested
Mamma is wonderful
She is caring and kind
Loving me unconditionaly
My bike is bright red
Shiny new
It carries me well
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Commit to Yourself!
So, sometime ago, (OK about 2 years ago) I wrote about committing to yourself in order to get the results in life that you desire. Then I pursued other outlets in learning what I could to advance myself in my home based business so that I was successful.
My mistake... I didn't truly commit to myself. I was just 'trying' to build a business, but I wasn't being true to myself. What I really want to do with my life and what really gives me joy is writing. So why did it take me so long to discover that?
I was still caught up in the need for money. I heard so many times over the past few years, that money doesn't create happiness, or that you must focus on what you desire, not the money! And what was I doing??? I was still focusing on the $$$ or rather, the lack of. I have been without work for three weeks due to stress and un-enjoyment in my job. I hate selling crap to people especially when it's just stuff! I want to add something beneficial to peoples lives, to make a difference, to help people learn or feel joy. So I spent day and night for two weeks researching everything that interests me. You know what I came up with? Writing, traveling, maybe being a tour guide, travel writing or anything that involved the two. I have always known that I love those things and yet I never pursued them because of my own belief system telling me that I could not make money doing those things!!! Can you believe that I have sacrificed personal satisfaction for money that I never made!
I have learned, that to be successful in life, you should: BE DO HAVE in that order. But I was trying to HAVE so that I could DO, so that I could BE! That's ridiculous! To attract success you must first recognize that you are successful in what you are doing right now! Enjoy that feeling, envelop that feeling and embrace it. When you are completely at that place of BEing a success, then you will DO the things that you need to do to feel more success and then you will look back one day and realize that you HAVE all of your dreams come true because you took the first step to being the person you wanted to become!
So again, What is the answer? COMMIT TO YOURSELF!!!
I have a friend who has been pursuing her dreams since she was a child and is in my eyes very successful. I felt a pang of envy when I first saw her because she was doing what I wanted to do, but you know what? She took the steps and made it happen at all costs. I took loops and turns and got dizzy. Now I see the path ahead of me. I no longer feel envy, only joy for her and also gratitude that I was able to learn what I needed to do now instead of wasting my whole life away like so many people do everyday. Thanks to her inspiration and pure joy at other peoples success, and to my brother who is pursuing and following his dreams of being a song writer (and a damn good one!!) I have been inspired once again!
Thanks for sharing this with me, I hope it has helped you in some way too :)
My mistake... I didn't truly commit to myself. I was just 'trying' to build a business, but I wasn't being true to myself. What I really want to do with my life and what really gives me joy is writing. So why did it take me so long to discover that?
I was still caught up in the need for money. I heard so many times over the past few years, that money doesn't create happiness, or that you must focus on what you desire, not the money! And what was I doing??? I was still focusing on the $$$ or rather, the lack of. I have been without work for three weeks due to stress and un-enjoyment in my job. I hate selling crap to people especially when it's just stuff! I want to add something beneficial to peoples lives, to make a difference, to help people learn or feel joy. So I spent day and night for two weeks researching everything that interests me. You know what I came up with? Writing, traveling, maybe being a tour guide, travel writing or anything that involved the two. I have always known that I love those things and yet I never pursued them because of my own belief system telling me that I could not make money doing those things!!! Can you believe that I have sacrificed personal satisfaction for money that I never made!
I have learned, that to be successful in life, you should: BE DO HAVE in that order. But I was trying to HAVE so that I could DO, so that I could BE! That's ridiculous! To attract success you must first recognize that you are successful in what you are doing right now! Enjoy that feeling, envelop that feeling and embrace it. When you are completely at that place of BEing a success, then you will DO the things that you need to do to feel more success and then you will look back one day and realize that you HAVE all of your dreams come true because you took the first step to being the person you wanted to become!
So again, What is the answer? COMMIT TO YOURSELF!!!
I have a friend who has been pursuing her dreams since she was a child and is in my eyes very successful. I felt a pang of envy when I first saw her because she was doing what I wanted to do, but you know what? She took the steps and made it happen at all costs. I took loops and turns and got dizzy. Now I see the path ahead of me. I no longer feel envy, only joy for her and also gratitude that I was able to learn what I needed to do now instead of wasting my whole life away like so many people do everyday. Thanks to her inspiration and pure joy at other peoples success, and to my brother who is pursuing and following his dreams of being a song writer (and a damn good one!!) I have been inspired once again!
Thanks for sharing this with me, I hope it has helped you in some way too :)
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